Here I am
Been running around all morning. Got up early, had my coffee, mikva, daven, carpool, errands etc. The whole time I know I’m gonna end up there. It’s on my mind. I don’t feel settled until I get there. Depending on the day and my state of consciousness, I might even have a hard time fully engaging in anything else until I reach that spot.
Hisbodedus! It’s my outlet. It’s my hobby. I just need it for my health. I need to unload. I need to share with Him. Life is too hard to handle alone. There are so many things going on in our daily lives that need to be worked out. And then sometimes, I need to stop and think about my long term goals too. Talking to Hashem in my own words is my most important daily devotion. I’m very grateful that I take the time to do it and now that I do, I can’t imagine life without it.
Those of us who keep Shabbos know very well how important it is to us. We couldn’t imagine going week after week without it. No rest? When would we process? When would we stop and think? How could we possibly function if we had to answer the phone and check our messages 24/7? It would be a nightmare. I feel the same way with hisbodedus. It’s not enough for me to have Shabbos once a week. I need some time every day to shut it all off. I need to process my thoughts and grab hold of my life.
Maybe you know what I’m talking about, but I recently noticed that many times when I get to my spot and sit down, after all the running around like a zombie, I take this long deep breath and say, “Ok, here I am. Here I am”!